It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for. No more nagging. No more younger brothers running in and posting something creepy on your Facebook account. You’re finally free.
Uni is just around the corner, and that means moving out. It’s a little scary, but it’s mostly just exciting – you finally get to do things your own way. People think cooking is way harder than it is – for most stuff, just jab a fork through the film and microwave that badboy. And making your bed? Aren’t you just going to climb into the same bed that night anyway? Why spend time doing something you’ll ultimately undo?
Well, there’s more to moving out than just your typical adulting chores. There’s keeping to a schedule, balancing work and classes… and then there’s your roommates, who can either be amazing buddies or your worst nightmare.
In general, the roommates you meet will be 1 of 5 different people.
Well hi-diddily-hey! You’ve struck gold. They seem like the sweetest, most caring person you’ve ever met. You left out a plate, they cleaned it and put it away. You rock up late one night, they help you get tidied up before prepping you a glass of water as you fall asleep.
But beware, their inner Sergeant is just gathering intel.
Three months in, and they’ve stopped looking after you. In fact, it’s the opposite – not unlocking the door because “you shouldn’t have forgotten your keys when you left.” They’re still the sweet person they’ve always been, but they’ve started to realise your line for discipline isn’t as tight as theirs.
After 6 more months of listening to their alarm go off at 6:15am every day (yes, even on weekends), you’re seriously thinking that you could finally relax if you just joined the actual military.
Sometimes, after a long day, all you want is a little perspective. Your troubles aren’t that bad, that assignment really isn’t going to destroy your life. That’s why reality TV is so addictive – you realise just how low humanity can really go.
That’s why your new roommate is amazing. They ARE reality TV. Every story they tell is just wall-to-wall insanity, like how they were on a Tinder date with a guy, and his ex turned up to throw a glass of water in his face. They have like 15,000 followers on Instagram, compared to your 87.
The downside – when everything in your life is extra, that includes you. If you start an argument, expect it to end with them cutting up your clothes in their next vlog.
‘Do you even?’ Guy
“Bro, do you even lift?”
“Bro, do you even do legs?”
Bro, I have a GPA that is going to get me a job. And I like sausage rolls. I’ll lift a sausage roll if you want?
A’s for Days
Look, you’re pretty smart. But you feel like a moron compared to her. She’s putting in some big hours, but unlike most students there, she’s actually getting a result from it. From afar, she really does seem like the most super-human human you’ve ever met.
Then you live together. And you realise, pretty quickly, she’s clueless.
For someone so academically bright, how could she think that dishwasher tablets would work in the washing machine? And no, the oven does not double as a dryer. No Sarah, you can’t use a vacuum cleaner to get the crumbs off your dinner plate.
She is the most brilliant person you’ll ever meet. So how is she also the most basic?
You tell friends you have a roommate. There’s definitely a bed that’s listed as theirs. There’s plenty of empty Mountain Dew bottles in the bin.
But, the debate still rages as to whether this ‘roommate’ of yours is real, or a ghost. No one else has seen them. No one else knows their name. As far as your friends are concerned, the spare bed is just where you leave your laundry.
The only proof you have – the text you got saying he got a better mark on the group assignment. How did he possibly excel at group-work? What sort of mediums are they teaching at this college?
If you want to avoid being stuck with one of these confusing counterparts, check out our list of 5 Things to Consider When Finding a Roommate.